Because the truth is… we all live different lives,
with different pressures, different capacities,
and different needs.
Why You Keep Failing Your Goals (Even When You Try)
I’m staying with my sister for a while on an unexpected extended holiday, and true to any holiday, I’m completely out of routine. Not drinking enough water, not eating on plan and not getting enough exercise.
One morning my sister told me I was magic because I give her days more hours, and I had to laugh. Because the truth is, when you give your days structure that actually fits your life, you magically create more time in your day.
But right now? My structure and my reality are completely misaligned. And that got me thinking about why so many of us keep failing our goals, even when we genuinely want to do better.
Because intentional living isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing what matters most, in a way that actually fits your life.
The Real Reason You Keep Failing Your Goals (It’s Not Your Routine)
We’re often told that if we just had a better routine and create better habits and practice self-discipline, everything would fall into place.
But life doesn’t work like that.
Life is unpredictable. It’s fast paced, full of responsibilities, emotions, and unexpected changes. And because of that it’s easy to get derailed if you don’t have mental capacity to stay locked in all the time.
Goals are meant to give you direction.
But, like in my case, when your life changes and your goals don’t… your routine starts to break.
And that’s usually the moment you think:
“What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just stick to this?”
The “Stop. Start-Tomorrow” Cycle
You know the cycle. You’ve got your goal set, or that new routine you want to try out, but you struggle to start.
Or in my case I had the routine locked in with all the new habits I created, but after landing at my sisters from Dubai. I’m out-of-sync and just want to get back into it.
So, I say to myself:
“I’ll start tomorrow.”
But tomorrow comes… and you don’t follow through.
So, you say it again.
“I’ll start tomorrow.”
And slowly, something shifts.
You stop trusting yourself.
Every time you say you’re going to do something and don’t… you teach yourself that you’re not reliable.
For real, will you trust your best friend if she keeps on making promises she doesn’t keep?
That’s why starting over feels harder every time. Because deep down, you’ve stopped believing yourself.
Stop Running on the Wheel
I’ve been in this Stop, Start-Again cycle for the past week and I had this vision of being on a hamster wheel. Every time I “start over” I choose to run towards nothing on this wheel.
Start. Stop. Start. Stop.
But this week I envisioned myself getting off the hamster wheel and unto a road.
For me, getting back on the wheel means I’m going nowhere.
Picture your road for a moment. Is it straight and clear ahead, or full of unexpected bends? Is it a single quiet lane or a busy highway? Is it tar, cobblestone, or a winding dirt road through the trees?
Now look around you. Are you in a forest, a desert or on a coastal road?
This road is important, because it’s your safe space. It’s the place you default to every time you stop, to pass time until you’re ready to start over.
That’s why I call it your default road (I know, very original). Because this is the space where you will default to every time something comes up to derail your efforts.
Now envision this road stretching out in front of you and in the distance there’s a turn-off. That turn-off will obviously lead you to new destinations, of your choice.
These turn-off points represent a new goal, habit or routine you want to implement into your life.
New roads will always be harder, because it’s like traveling long distance without a gps. It’s unknown and therefore uncomfortable. It takes a conscious effort not to go back to the old road you know.
And somewhere along that road… there will always be an obstacle, like a huge tree that fell on your road.
What Actually Derails You (It’s Only 2 Things)
When you hit that obstacle. You need to identify it. Because this is the real reason you keep failing your goals.
And it almost always comes down to one of these two things:
- You’re Soft Parenting Yourself
- Your Goals Don’t Match Your Life Season
Let’s see what this looks like in real life.
1. You’re Soft Parenting Yourself
This one is subtle. You have to be aware of it to pinpoint and address it.
In my case I only eat sugar on Sundays. So, my parent voice will be strict enough to help me reach that goal of only eating sugar on a Sunday.
But when you’re soft parenting yourself it sounds like:
“I know I shouldn’t… but just today. I can see you’re going through a rough-something”
It disguises itself as you having grace with yourself. It feels kind and gentle.
But over time, it starts working against you.
Because you’re not making decisions based on what’s good for you, you’re making decisions based on what feels good in the moment. And those are never the same thing.
And the second reason is more obvious, but equally destructive.
2. Your Goals Don’t Match Your Life Season
This one’s missed easily, because we’re so busy living life, we forget to stop and check-in with ourselves.
You’re busy, stretched thin and you’re already running at full capacity. And then you set a goal that requires more time, more energy and more of you, when you don’t have more to give.
So, what happens?
You’re physically or mentally unable to follow through with the newly set goal, habit or routine. Not because you don’t want to, but because your life simply doesn’t allow for it right now. Your expectations are just not aligned with your reality.
What can you do to align your season of life with a new goal, habit or routine?
Easy, shift boundaries over discipline. It will change your mindset completely.
Instead of saying: “I’m a failure”, or “I should have more discipline”
You shift to:
“This doesn’t fit into my current life season.”
It’s a small change, but it removes the pressure and it creates structure, without self-punishment.
It allows you to stay consistent without feeling restricted. Especially if you become realistic with your time and energy in a day.
How to Stop Starting Over
If you feel like you keep failing your goals, don’t try to do everything differently.
Start here:
* Notice the one thing that keeps derailing you
* Identify what triggers it (stress, fatigue, emotion)
* Adjust your expectation to fit your current life
* Set a boundary instead of a rule
Because the goal isn’t perfection. The goal is alignment with your life season.
You don’t need a perfect routine, and you don’t need to copy someone else’s system.
You need something that fits your life, as it is right now.
Because the truth is… we all live different lives, with different pressures, different capacities, and different needs.
And the moment your routine starts working with your life instead of against it… everything changes.
If you can conquer these two things that keep derailing your efforts. You will be able to stay off the default road and on your way to a new destination very quickly.
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Keep on reading:
How to Simplify Life as a Busy Woman: 5 Simple Habits That Changed Everything for Me
Goal Setting for Busy Women: The One Goal Method
Stop Setting Goals Like This. It’s Why You’re Still Exhausted
Here’s to finding calm in the chaos. Until next time,
ChanDrew ❤️