But here’s the question nobody asks. What happens to YOU in all of that?
I recently returned from a three month stay in South Africa where I spent time with my family. What I didn’t realise then was that I was experiencing midlife burnout. I just didn’t have a name for it yet. Now that I’m home, I want to share what that unexpected recovery taught me. Because I don’t think I’m the only one who needs it.
When I landed there, my life came to a standstill. No rushed schedule, household or even dinners to plan, because I was on holiday. And for the first time in a very long time, I had space and time to reflect. And with that came a lot of emotions that I had been carrying around for way too long, without even knowing about it. Emotions I could not name.
Early in my holiday I started a practice called Morning Pages. It’s less of a journaling exercise and more of a brain dump. Every morning you write three pages of whatever is sitting in your head or is pressing on your heart, unfiltered and unedited. No rules, just honesty. The idea is to write continuously and never to read it again, so you can go deep and honest.
And these morning pages revealed something very emotional to me. Because through those pages I started seeing what I had been feeling but never saying aloud. I was sad. I felt deeply alone. And I felt very disconnected from myself, my feelings, and from my life.
When I finally had a name for the feelings, I needed to understand where they came from. And what I found was something I think every woman in midlife needs to hear. That we lose ourselves not in one big moment, but slowly, over time, through all the roles we carry.
The Roles That Swallowed You Whole
Think about the roles you play on any given day. You’re a mom. A wife. You have a career. You run a household. Maybe you have aging parents on top of that. And that’s just off the top of my head.
Go a little deeper and the list keeps growing. You’re a sister. A friend. A cook. A housekeeper. Even a personal shopper for your entire family. And every single one of those roles you pour your heart and soul into, because that’s the kind of woman you are. Because you want to provide the best life for the people you love.
But here’s the question nobody asks. What happens to YOU in all of that?
Because when you give that much of yourself, day after day, without filling your own cup back up, it will run you dry. Every single time.
Giving Without Refilling Is a Slow Leak?
Picture yourself as a teacup. You’re beautiful and strong, but there’s a crack in the bottom of this cup. It’s small and barely noticeable, but you’re slowly leaking.
First into the saucer, then onto the table and then onto the floor. This is you giving to everybody continuously without filling your own cup. You just keep pouring out.
And that’s exactly what happens when you pour so much of yourself out, day after day, without giving anything back to yourself. It doesn’t happen all at once. It’s slow. And by the time you notice it, you’re already running dry.
That’s when those feelings start showing up. That sense that something is off but you can’t quite put your finger on what. The feeling of you’re not yourself. Recognise them.
You’re not imagining it. That’s what an empty cup feels like.
Midlife Burnout Feelings Are Flags, Not Flaws
Maybe you’re sad. Maybe you feel disconnected or discontent. Maybe you just know that something is off but you can’t explain what. Maybe you’re tired all the time. And maybe, in this life season, there are some fluctuating hormones adding fuel to all of that too.
Whatever it looks like for you, those feelings are not a problem to fix. They’re a flag being waved at you.
They’re saying, hey. I’m here too. Please love me too…
So don’t bury them. Don’t push through them. Don’t add “peri menopause” or “menopause symptoms” to your mental list and move on. Acknowledge them. Sit with them long enough to ask, what are you trying to tell me? What am I not seeing?
Because your feelings always have a reason and an answer. You just have to be still enough to hear it.
The Memories Are Clues
And here’s one of the first things the morning pages showed me. Memories.
Things I used to do that I no longer do. Running. Walking with Andrew in the mornings and us gymming together. Little pockets of joy that had quietly disappeared from my life without me even noticing they were gone.
Those memories aren’t there to make you sad. They’re clues.
They’re pointing you back to the version of yourself that felt alive…that felt like her.
You don’t need to recreate the exact same activities. Because I promise you that running isn’t my thing anymore. Maybe life looks completely different now. But what those memories are really showing you is what joy felt like in your body. And that’s what you need to find your way back to yourself.
Even if it’s just once a week. Even if it’s just one small pocket of joy in an otherwise full and demanding day. That counts. That matters. Because giving joy back to yourself is not a luxury. It’s how you refill the cup.
Your Midlife Burnout Season Is Not Permanent
Here’s something I realized while I was in South Africa. Something I want you to really hear, so lean in.
No season in life, no matter how difficult it is and no matter how long it lasts, is permanent.
I’m going to say that again because I think you need to hear it twice. What you’re living today isn’t permanent. That too shall pass.
Some seasons pass because time brings healing. Small children grow up. Careers shift. Aging parents eventually move into care and that chapter closes too. And I won’t pretend that the other side of every season is always easier or prettier. Sometimes it’s just different.
But here’s what I know for certain. Seasons pass. And while you’re in the thick of one, the smallest step you take today can make the biggest difference six months from now. You don’t have to fix everything at once. You just have to start somewhere.
So where do you start
Right here. Right now.
I want to invite you into a practice I call Chasing Glimmers. It’s simple. Every day, look for one small moment of joy. It doesn’t have to be big or planned or perfect. A good cup of coffee. Ten minutes of quiet time after the kids go to bed or a song that makes you feel happy. That’s a glimmer. And chasing them daily is how you start giving back to yourself one small moment at a time.
If you’re ready to go a little deeper, I created The Simple Shift online Patreon community. I launched my workbook on small steps big changes that walks you through this process on finding your next small step, but inside my community I walk it out with you. You can find it HERE or on the website and I’ll walk alongside you through it.
And if this post resonated with you, the next one in this series is going to hit just as close to home. We’re talking about survival mode, and why you’re not lazy, you’re just running on empty.
You deserve to feel like yourself again. Let’s find your way back together.
Here’s to finding calm in the chaos. Because you can fall in love with your life again.
Until next time,
ChanDrew ❤️