“If you walk in a straight line but shift just 10 degrees off course, you’ll work just as hard, take just as many steps, and still end up somewhere you never intended to be. Most of us aren’t failing our goals. We’re just aimed slightly wrong.”
Do you ever get a quiet nudge that the life you’re actually living and the life you’re meant to be living are not quite the same thing?
Let me share something life transforming with you. I always bring this into my coaching community, because it’s something I see in almost every woman I work with. And once you hear it, you won’t be able to unhear it.
As an Intentional Living Coach, I keep learning from my clients why we struggle to follow through, even when we want the change and we know it would serve us better. And I’ll keep it simple, because the moment someone starts talking about nervous system resets and midlife reinvention, I clock out too.
So, here’s the simple version.
You’re Not Self Sabotaging (You Just Don’t Know ‘Her’ Yet)
Discovering who you dream of becoming is actually the first step. And it’s the one most of us never take.
When I sit in a car and see someone walking on the side of the road, I long to be that person who goes for an early morning walk, even though I consciously chose to sleep in and have the wrong kind of breakfast that same morning. That quiet longing? That’s the 10 degree gap showing up in real life. I know where I want to go. I’m making conscious choices and putting in the effort. I’m just not fully aligned with her yet.
And here’s the part that blew my mind. Research from UCLA actually proved this. When scientists scanned people’s brains while they thought about their future selves, the brain responded the same way it does when you think about a complete stranger.
Wow, right?
So of course you’re not showing up for your future self. You don’t even know her yet.
You don’t cancel plans for a stranger. You don’t wake up early for a stranger. You don’t choose the harder, better thing for someone you’ve never properly met. But the moment she becomes someone you actually know, your Bestie, someone you feel loyal to, everything changes.
That’s what this blog is about. Not motivation or discipline. Just getting to know her.
Chasing Glimmers: Why Slowing Down Is the First Step
You can’t move towards her if you’re not present enough to see the life you actually want for her. So I urge you to slow down. This is a beautiful concept that I shared a few months ago on my channel and it is ever evolving into the most beautiful spiritual awakening. The short version is that our lives are busy.
In my personal life I started noticing small moments of beauty. For a while I tried capturing them in photos and sharing it, but it was difficult, because most often, they’re here and gone in a glance.
I encouraged the practice of noticing these moments and treasuring them. Moments like the smile on your child’s face when they experience pure joy or surprise. The hug my husband gives me after a long day, or a beautiful flower or sunrise on my walks.
Notice how none of these can be bought with money, but you have to be present in the moment to capture them. For me, these glimmers are snapshots of what heaven will be like.
Shaping My Future Self
No one can tell you what this version of you looks like, but you.
Once you can see and feel her inside you, you have to get to know her. She has to become your Bestie.
Let me show you what I mean. Years ago I had my own hair salon. I loved it, because every single day I watched everyday women, women who put themselves last without even thinking about it, walk out of that chair feeling like themselves again. That transformation never got old.
But I had a vision for my own life that went beyond the salon. I wanted to reach a certain weight and actually stay there. I wanted to work with women in a way that didn’t cost me every hour of my day. I wanted to live overseas. I wanted to be present for my husband and my family without sacrificing my ambition. I even told myself I’d retire at 45.
Fast forward to now. I’m a Life Coach living abroad, working from wherever I choose, doing the same work I did behind that chair, just without the hours. I’m halfway to my goal weight. I’m building something I’m proud of, on my own terms.
I’m not telling you this to impress you. I’m telling you because I had to shape her first before I could become her. I had to know her, specifically, before I could start moving towards her those 10 degrees at a time.
And that’s exactly what I want to help you do now.
Becoming Her
So how do you actually get there? Because knowing your future self exists and feeling loyal to her are two very different things.
No change can come if no change is made. So, I took some action steps.
I started by visualising my future self, not in a vague, wishful way, but specifically. I put on the jeans at my goal weight in my mind. I slipped into a Zoom call filled with women who wanted to learn how to fall in love with their lives again. I felt the excitement and the passion. And I wrote it all down. My future self’s schedule, her meals, her off days, because the better I got to know my future self, the easier it became to actually show up as her.
My future self, became my Bestie. And I stepped into my 10 degrees.
Now it’s your turn.
You don’t need a perfect plan. You just need to start getting to know your future self. So let me ask you a few questions, and I want you to sit with them honestly.
Close your eyes for a moment and travel into the future. When you open them, ask yourself:
What do you see around you? What does your future self’s morning look like, and what’s the first thing she does?
Is the vision you’re chasing actually yours, or is it built from what others expect of you? Would it still matter to you if no one else ever knew about it?
And honestly, what’s getting in your future self’s way? Don’t choose the easy answer. Choose the real one.
If you’re ready to go deeper with these questions, I’ve put together a workbook inside The Simple Shift, my Patreon community, that walks you through this process step by step, without overwhelm and without pressure. Just you, getting to know your future self.
The Conclusion
At first, it’s uncomfortable. Showing up for someone you don’t know yet always is. But with time, as you work your future self’s habits into your daily life, something will shift.
The first step was never motivation. It was never discipline. It was just this. Getting to know her, slowing down enough to notice the life you actually want, and then stepping into your 10 degrees, one small intentional shift at a time.
You’ve already started. You read this far, didn’t you?
If you want to keep going, there are two ways I can walk alongside you.
If you’re ready to do the reflective work and go deeper into becoming your future self, come and join me inside The Simple Shift, my Patreon community. It’s a warm, small group space where I guide you through exactly this, without overwhelming amounts of information and without pressure. Just steady, simple progress.
And if this blog resonated with you, you might also love reading this next:
Midlife Burnout Is Real: Why You Feel So Disconnected From Yourself
Can’t Stick to Your Goals? Break the Stop-Start Cycle Habits